Dear Tom (if I may),
I understand that you and Nancy are expecting your first child. First and foremost, congratulations! You both most be very excited, and, perhaps, a little nervous, as you try to anticipate what life will be like once the baby arrives. My wife & I found the time between knowing that there was going to be a kid & the kid’s arrival date to be way more stressful than dealing with the flesh and blood kid himself. I would imagine that life for you and Nancy now is pretty much an anxious mix of theory, equally divided between daydream (“Doesn’t he look so tall in his cap and gown!”) and nightmare (“But I just turned my back for a second!”). In fact, no amount of well-meaning advice can truely prepare you for the fact that you are about to join the world’s largest cult – parenthood.
My wife and I are very fortunate. We live in a gay friendly city in a gay friendly state, and we met a two dad family early on. Our sons were in the same preschool class. It never occured to us to hope that another queer family would enter our orbit, but having these guys in our lives has made all the difference in the world. It means that our kids aren’t the only kids in their class with gay parents – (and, really, who wants their kid to the only anything in a classroom?). It means that we have another family that mirrors ours to share playdates, birthdays, and holidays with. My one piece of advice for you & Nancy is to look for other queer families in your community – families with kids the same age as yours & adults that you enjoy spending time with. Also check out the Family Equity Council; not only are they active & engaged advocates for queer families, but their vacation events are a blast.
Good luck! Have fun & practice saying “it’s only a phase.”