A Polish children’s advocacy group is investigating rumors that Teletubby Tinky Winky is in fact a Trojan horse for the homosexual agenda. Psychologists will be consulted to determine if this is indeed true. Meanwhile, the state of Alabama’s Department of Homeland Security has included gay rights groups has a potential source for terrorist activities. The Teletubbies are, in fact, a demonic terrorist group, bent on nothing less than the total and absolute destruction of Western civilization. Living in an underground bunker, Tinky, Po, Dippy and LaLa are actually creating weapons of mass destruction. The strange, impenetrable gibberish that they speak contains coded instructions on how to mix readily available household chemicals to create toxic clouds right there in the t.v. room. Fireman Sam is actually an aronist; Barney, the big, purple pretend dinosauer is Whitey Bulger; Bob the Builder & Wendy’s relationship is based on pain and humiliation and those cute littel barn yard characters with the Irish brogues in Jakers are fronting for PETA. Don’t let the colorful, fuzzy creatures,catchey tunes and rainbow smiles fool you, the world of children’s television is a dangerous place.
What television does, and does very well, is it turns children into consumers. Why isn’t anyone upset about that?